Reading
Group Questions
The following list of questions is designed to
enhance a group or individual's thinking
about or discussing some of the issues we hope you will consider
after reading this book. This is
designed as a starting point only and is not meant to limit the
discussion.
1. “That is how the guilt came to live in her spirit,” the
story says of Dianne. How have you experienced guilt as a living,
breathing companion in your life (or in the life of someone you
know)? How did it arrive and take up residence? How can it be evicted?
(See Rom. 5:6-21; 8:1-9.)
2. Yolanda is appalled by Dianne’s friend James and the
behavior her cousin tolerates from that brother. In subsequent
chapters, we learn just how little Yolanda is willing to tolerate,
period. What do you refuse to tolerate in a man? In what areas
are you willing to be more tolerant? What makes the difference?
3. While most of us know that “God doesn’t look at
the outward appearance,” like Regina, most of us do. What
do you see when you look in the mirror? How do you respond to that
image—in your physical, mental, and spiritual life choices?
How healthy are your choices?
4. Romantic love or passion is an enigma to Yolanda, an anesthetic
to Dianne, and an annoyance (or a disappointment) to Regina. What
is it to you? Why? What do you think God intends for it to be?
(Read Song of Songs to get some ideas!)
5. What was most convicting to you about the pastor’s sermon
in chapter 9? Why?
6. Scripture says, “Don’t worry about tomorrow,” but
in this story, the past seems to be the bigger worry. Dianne uses
sex to try to escape it. What escape routes do you prefer? What
does God’s word suggest as the best strategy for dealing
with the past? (Contrast Deut. 32:7 and Phil. 3:13-14; see also
Eccl. 3:11.)
7. Dianne relies on men and sex to feel better about herself (and
the past), Regina uses food in much the same way, and Yo-yo cleans
when she needs to restore a sense of stability and security. What
do you use to feel better about yourself and your life? Why? What
role does faith play, if any at all, in restoring your equilibrium
or improving your sense of self?
8. Gloria acknowledged that Richard had undoubtedly been an answer
to her prayers fifteen years ago, but she had been too fearful
to accept him then. When has God answered your prayer—and
you have hesitated to take hold of that answer? What has held you
back? What were you afraid of, and why? What broke down that resistance
for you—or are you still resisting?
9. Much like her mother, Yolanda similarly suspects that Kelan
is an answer to prayer, but she fears the changes a man’s
presence in her life will bring—even the right man. From
the beginning, Scripture makes clear that marriage demands change
in both spouses (see Gen. 2:21-25). Whether you are married or
not, consider what changes are involved in merging your life with
a man’s. What changes are desirable to you and which are
dreaded? Why?
10. In what sense might Regina’s relationship with food
be considered idolatrous? What about the other characters in the
stories—what do they seem to establish in God’s place?
What about you—what are you tempted to trust in, rely on,
crave above God’s presence?
11. Do you have a family member or friend who, like Joyce Ann
or Dianne or Regina, is sick in body, mind, or spirit? How does
this story suggest positive and negative approaches to intervention
in such a loved one’s life? What intervention model does
Scripture offer? (See Matt. 18:15-20; also Gal. 6:1-10; 1 Tim.
5:20.)
12. What do you think about Aunt Toe’s theory about black
men and women? How do you see that dynamic at work in your life
and your family?
13. After Kelan’s ultimatum about their relationship, Yolanda
interpreted her Scripture reading of Philippians 3:13-14 through
her anger. When have your strong emotions lead you to misinterpret
a Scripture, a situation, or a “sign from God”? How
do you try to guard yourself against such skewed interpretations
of God’s leading?
14. “[Regina] knew that she was in self-destruct mode, sabotaging
her marriage and herself.” Paul described that kind of tendency
toward self-destruct in Romans 7:14-24, but what hope did he offer
in verse 25? What does your self-destruct mode look like? How do
you turn off the switch?
15. Who in your life and family plays the role of Aunt Toe, speaking
the truth in love? How do you and others accept that person and
the truth he or she has to speak? Are you ever that person?
Why or why not?
16. Dianne longs for a mother’s love. Yo-yo yearns for a
father’s love. Regina suffers from a lack of self-love. All
three women wrestle with the ability to love others. What’s
your issue with love? What do you suspect (or know) is the answer
to your problems and questions about love? Take the time to explore
Scripture and some of its insights into the power of love.
17. In chapter 1, we learned how the guilt had come to live inside
Dianne. Now she is instrumental in serving eviction notices on
the monsters of guilt, blame, penance, and despair that had moved
in on her loved ones. How does her life illustrate the principle
Paul observed in 2 Corinthians 1:3-7? How does your life
illustrate it?
18. How have you experienced the difference between “constructive
conviction” and guilt? How do you discern which you are feeling?
How do you transform one into the other?
19. Yolanda and Regina realize that even in the absence of an
earthly father growing up, they always had a heavenly one. What
does the image of God as Father mean to you? How have your experiences
with (or without) a father influenced your understanding of God—and
vice versa?
20. Dianne says, “Now I understand what people mean when
they talk about the story behind the glory.” What’s
the story behind your glory?
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