Reading
Group Questions
The following list of questions is designed to
enhance a group or individual's thinking
about or discussing some of the issues we hope you will consider
after reading this book. This is
designed as a starting point only and is not meant to limit the
discussion.
Chapter 1
Turning thirty-one felt like a watershed in LaShondra's life. "It
was time to reevaluate some things; carefully consider how to expend
my time and energy," she thought. What age(s) served as that
kind of mile-marker for you? From where you sit now, how does your
present measure up to the goals or assumptions you formulated in
the past? Read Jeremiah 29:11-13, Matthew 6:25-34, and 1 Corinthians
13:9-12. What do these Scriptures suggest to you about the future?
Chapter 2
From her first "crush" through a tangle of ill-fated relationships,
Shondra had developed a pretty clear idea of what she wanted in
a life partner, her Boaz. Do you? What have your past relationships
taught you about Mr. Wrong? What vision of Mr. Right has emerged
from those experiences? Read Genesis 2:18-25 to refresh your memory
of God's vision for the "perfect match"!
Chapter 3
Driving through the neighborhood in which she had grown up, LaShondra
mused, "I had roots there, even if the ground was less than
desirable." Where are your roots, and how do you feel about
them now? Are you still planted there-or have you been repotted,
transplanted, or uprooted? What insights do Jesus' parables about
the sowers and seeds in Matthew 13 (see verses 18-23 and 24-30)
have in relation to the soil of your past?
Shondra and her father have different ideas about how blacks should
become part of America's so-called melting pot. What ideas do you
have on the subject? Read Isaiah 56, especially verses 6-8, and
Revelation 21-22, and consider the vision that God has for the nations
and races of the world.
Chapter 4
God was dealing with LaShondra about love-and then led her to Galatians
3:16-19, a text that says nothing explicitly about love. Read that
Scripture again in your favorite Bible version, and reflect on the
question, What do love, prejudice, and Galatians 3:16-19 have to
do with one another?
It felt incredibly unfair to Shondra that God was convicting her,
a black woman so often the victim of prejudice, on that subject.
How does that conviction feel to you? How do you wrestle with the
kinds of racial or ethnic prejudices Shondra described? Read Numbers
12, and consider how Miriam and Aaron, newly freed slaves themselves,
must have felt when God convicted them of their prejudice toward
Moses' Cushite (black) wife.
Chapter 5
Shondra mentions several times the dynamic of acting or being different
in the presence of whites (or non-blacks)-her dialect, her smile,
her comfort level. "The less I saw of white people, the more
I could be myself," she admitted honestly. How do you alter
yourself in "mixed" company? Are such alterations based
solely on race-or also on gender, age, or other factors? Is there
integrity in such changeability? Why or why not? Consider two contrasting
Scriptures for insights into the question-especially as they relate
to motives (see Romans 12:1-2 and 1 Corinthians 9:19-24).
Chapter 6
LaShondra sincerely wrestled with the question of how to look beyond
race/skin color in her relationships with others-and yet still retain
her own racial identity. How do you resolve that tension for yourself?
What does Romans 5:14-20 teach us about dealing with the question
of an identity (racial or otherwise) that loves as Christ does,
beyond worldly considerations?
Chapter 7
LaShondra corrected her own estimation of Stelson: "Anybody
can be nice. Stelson was kind. Kindness is something that comes
from the inside." What did she mean by that? How would you
distinguish between niceness and kindness? In Scripture, the word
often translated as "kindness" in the KJV is usually rendered
"love" or "loyalty" in more modern translations
(e.g., Genesis 20:13). Do a biblical study of the concept of kindness
by reading one or more of the following passages: the Book of Ruth;
1 Samuel 20:13-17 and 2 Samuel 9:1-7; Isaiah 54:1-8; and 2 Peter
1:5-8.
Chapter 8
In the singles' ministry, Brother Johnson applied Acts 10:34-35
to the search for a life partner. One of the women responded, "But,
we're talking about my man." There seem to be two truths here:
first, that we are called to love and accept all people, as God
does, and second, that we will choose one person for a spouse. How
should the first truth influence the second? What role should one's
personal preferences play as we prayerfully seek God's life for
our future? (Because, let's keep it real: Personal preferences will
play a role!)
Chapter 9
Shondra was shocked to learn that her "historically black denomination"
actually had its earliest roots in a racially integrated revival,
way back in the early 1900s. Did that fact shock you, too? Why or
why not? Such early strides toward racial reconciliation and equality
can both encourage and frustrate us today. So, read Acts 2, especially
verses 1-21, for a reminder of the Spirit's early movement toward
unity in the body of Christ. What can we learn from the story of
Pentecost to encourage our churches today?
Chapter 10
During the tutoring session, LaShondra had "forgotten what
color Stelson was." But, in the sanctuary, she became highly
aware of his race once again. Why? What made the difference? The
reality is, interracial relationships-whether friendship or courtship-may
be relatively easy to negotiate one on one. The challenges arise
when society gets involved. How can you handle that? Consider Acts
10:1-11:18 as a case study in how God deals with us, individually,
in small groups, and then before the "critics"!
Chapter 11
After the incident in the restaurant, Shondra told Stelson, "Until
you've worn black, you can't begin to empathize"-even though
she also pointed out that the discriminatory experience was his
as well as hers. Her point seems to be that they experienced it
differently-even though it was a shared experience. How can "well-meaning
white people" participate with integrity in such an experience?
How can black folks allow white friends to be with them during such
an experience? What wisdom does Scripture have to offer us on the
question of standing together in the face of trials, injustice,
and pain? (See Isaiah 58:1-12; Galatians 6:1-5.)
Chapter 12
"It was never about black or white-it was about my relationship
with Christ," Shondra realized, and asked herself the tough
question, "Could I relinquish my definition of myself-first
black, then Christian?" Ask yourself the same question: Can
you? Read Philippians 3:4-11 and consider Paul's decision around
the same issue of ethnic identity versus his identity in Christ.
Chapter 13
Shondra discovered that even as she explored a deeper relationship
with Stelson and a stronger connection with him than she had ever
before experienced-she was also feeling more and more disconnected
from her family and friends. How did she handle that? How would
you? She wanted to be true to herself and to her roots-but who she
was…was changing, while her roots were very much the same.
How do we bring our loved ones alongside as we move on in our spiritual
journey? How can we cope if our family or friends refuse to grow
with us? Psalm 55:12-14 captures the pain, and Proverbs 16:7 offers
a foundation to build our hope on!
Chapter 14
When Peaches and LaShondra finally had it out over Stelson, Peaches
didn't pull any punches. She threw out every argument that Shondra
had been having with herself for months. As a group, discuss the
issues and questions Peaches raised-and keep it real. Are you persuaded
by Shondra's responses? Why or why not? She quotes some deep scriptural
and spiritual principles-but how do you feel about dating a white
man? Then, break it all the way down: How do you feel about a white
woman dating a brother? Has reading about Shondra's experience influenced
your feelings at all? Why or why not?
Chapter 15
Stelson urged LaShondra to conduct her own "internal investigation,"
and she realized that the real issue was the heart-her own and the
hearts of the teachers on her staff. Scripture tells us that the
heart-and judging it-is God's territory (1 Samuel 16:7). The Bible
also makes it clear that God and God alone is judge of such matters
(Psalm 7:8-11; Psalm 50; James 2:1-13). Shondra recognized her need
to do less judging-and more negotiating of the heartfelt differences
in perspective concerning the behavioral issues with black and white
students alike. If you applied that insight to your own life, what
would it look like?
Chapter 16
"It wouldn't be the first time [God] sent help in the form
of a problem," Stelson reminded Shondra. She marveled as she
acknowledged the truth-that in a season of trouble and trial, one
she counted as an "enemy" had become a friend closer than
a brother. Doesn't that sound like a story Jesus would tell? (Indeed,
he did, in the parable of the Good Samaritan! See Luke 10:30-37.)
What has that parable/principle looked like in your life? If you
haven't seen it yet, look again…for God's help in the least
likely of people or places.
Chapter 17
LaShondra's surprising experience at the karaoke bar took her out
of herself for while. She could forget her race, her gender, her
grief, her family, her job-and just revel in the pure, childlike
fun of the evening. When was the last time you had an evening (or
afternoon or morning!) like that? The healing power of laughter,
of joy, is well documented-in medical science and in Scripture (see
Proverbs 15:13 and 17:22). How can you create more space in your
life for the re-creation that recreation brings?
Chapter 18
When Shondra braced herself to tell her mother about Stelson, what
she prayed for was love. Not peace or patience or grace or wisdom
or understanding-not anything but love. Why? What could love bring
into that emotionally charged confrontation that nothing else could?
(See 1 Corinthians 13 and Colossians 3:12-17.)
Chapter 19
LaShondra had to acknowledge-to herself and to Stelson-that the
more intimate their friendship became emotionally and spiritually,
the more she wrestled with her sexual desires for Stelson. What
a blessing that they could talk candidly about their mutual attraction-as
both a challenge and a cause for celebration. Scripture recognizes
that passion is both of those things as well. Read Song of Songs
to understand a biblical celebration of sex and physical intimacy;
then read Paul's cautions about lust in 1 Corinthians 6:12-20. How
do you balance the challenge and celebration of your sexuality?
What commitments have you made, individually or in a significant
relationship, concerning your sexuality?
Chapter 20
Ask yourself Jonathan's question: "Who am I, if I'm not black?"
Take time to answer that question honestly, from the gut-and then
look at some of the following passages to learn what Scripture has
to say on the subject: Genesis 1:26-31; Romans 8:14-17; Ephesians
5:8-10.
Chapter 21
LaShondra's father thought blacks and whites would get along "when
hell freezes over." Momma snapped back, "Well, your daughter
just threw down some ice." What kind of ice are you throwing
down in your relationships with folks from other races-ice that
will cool the enemy's fires of hatred, bigotry, racism, and prejudice?
Read Philippians 2:1-8; Colossians 3:1-17; and 1 John 4:7-5:5 for
some wise counsel in building community, even (and especially) across
cultural differences.
Chapter 22
After Stelson's proposal and Shondra's acceptance, Mr. Smith looked
half happy and half not about the engagement. Shondra "took
the happy." Was she in denial? Why or why not? Read Romans
5:1-5 and consider how that progression in Shondra's life might
have produced in her the hope that enabled her to "take the
happy" from her dad.
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