Reading Group Questions
The following list of questions is designed to
enhance a group or individual's thinking
about or discussing some of the issues we hope you will consider
after reading this book. This is
designed as a starting point only and is not meant to limit the
discussion.
Chapter 1
When Chantell found her father unconscious and later sat with him while he
lay in a coma, what kind of memories kept her company? It often happens that
when we face a trauma or crisis in life, that experience raises memories
of the past-sometimes comforting and sometimes not. Consider the following
Scripture texts and hide them in your heart, from whence they may emerge
when next you need their comfort and encouragement: Psalm 23; Isaiah 46:3-4;
51:1-8; Ezekiel 37:11-14; John 14:25-27.
Chapter 2
At lunch, Chantell observed, "We all wore something that I think we were
particularly proud of that day." Ron wore a trademark smile; Eric wore
a new tatoo; Chantell wore a favorite dress; Tia wore a look of love for her
spouse. What do their individual choices tell you about each character-and
about the relationship of each couple? What do you wear when you go out? What
does that say about you?
Chapter 3-4
An important facet of who Chantell was, she tells us, is her lack of women
friends. What does that communicate to you about her? What does your number
of female friends say about you? Scripture says this about our friendships:
Proverbs 15:22 and Ecclesiastes 4:9.
"Having Eric on my arm helped me to tell the world the story
that I felt I needed to tell it," Chantell confided. What
story did she need to tell, and why? What story are you trying
to tell the world-and why?
Chapter 5
Feeling stressed out made Chantell eat "unnecessarily," which made
her anxious about her weight, which added to her stress. She tried meditation
and crunches-and then ice cream! Do you identify with that pattern for dealing
with stress? How do you deal with tension in your life? What are some creative
and positive strategies that you might implement? (See Matthew 6:25-33.)
Chapter 6-7
Chantell describes herself as acting a part, playing games, and wearing masks.
Why do you think she felt the need to hide herself, even from her best friend?
You probably know someone like her in your own circle-perhaps that person
is you! Read Genesis 3 for a biblical case study in how human beings learned
to hide-from God and from one another. Why do we do it, and what do we hope
to accomplish?
Chapter 8-10
Chantell was stewing silently. Everything at the grocery store irritated her,
although that didn't stop her from pursuing her master plan, Operation Tiffany
Drop. Have you ever sought revenge on someone? Have you ever imagined doing
so? Why do you think God urges us to leave vengeance to him (see Deuteronomy
32:35; Hebrews 10:30)?
Chapter 11-12
The snafu with her biggest account, Skyway Modems, was the last straw for Chantell.
Her dad's health, her break with Eric, the strife with Mina, and now betrayal
by Canun…she resolved that it was time she started speaking her mind.
Was her middle-of-the-night call to her boss a good choice or a bad one?
Or something in between? Why? What other options could she have pursued?
How might Jesus' exhortation in Matthew 10:16 contribute to our discernment
process in such situations?
Chapter 13
When she called the EAP and the person answering the phone claimed it was a
crisis line, Chantell hung up. She figured, she wasn't a drug addict or teen
runaway or abuse victim; ergo, she couldn't be in crisis. Do you agree? Why
or why not? How do you define crisis? And, to whom do you turn when you find
yourself in one? (See Psalm 121 for starters.)
Chapter 14
Why do you think Chantell continued to push Eric about marriage, even though
she doubted his faithfulness and recognized his unwillingness to take a stand
for her? Why do any of us fight for a relationship that we realize is unhealthy?
When is it appropriate to do so? And, how do we know when to call it quits?
(See James 1:5.)
Chapter 15
Chantell's first attempt at seeking counsel from a therapist was a flop. Have
you ever had a similar experience, whether with a licensed professional,
pastor, or friend? What contributes to such unsuccessful encounters? What
responsibility is on the "patient" and what is on the "physician"?
Consider how you can be a better communicator-as listener and as the one
seeking a listening ear. (See Proverbs 10:19-21; 12:18,25; and James 1:19.)
Chapter 16
The atmosphere in Berkeley, the incense, the music, the dance…Chantell
felt free, unselfconscious, courageous. What makes you feel that way? Think
about that feeling and then read what Paul had to say about freedom in the
Spirit in Galatians 5. Does your faith really make you feel free? Why or why
not?
Chapter 16-17
"Did you shut the door on yesterday when you got up this morning?" Pastor
Fields asked the congregation. Then she cited Lamentations 3:23 and went on to
preach about forgiveness. Read that passage and talk about what part of yesterday
you need to close a door on today.
Chapter 18
When Chantell returned to work on Tuesday morning, she faced all the same challenges
she had left the week before. What made the difference in her ability to
return-and to do so with some sense of humor? (See Philippians 4:12-13.)
Chapter 19
Bumping into Keith Rashaad after sixteen long years was like a dream for Chantell.
Here was someone who knew her, looked at her and saw past the image to her
sad eyes. And, the friendship was still intact. Do you know someone like
that? Have you experienced that kind of reunion? Describe the difference
between an old friend-and a new one. (See Proverbs 17:17, 27:5-6, 27:10 for
some biblical wisdom about friendship.)
Chapter 20-21
Having Keith Talbit back in her life sent Chantell's spirit soaring. Just being
with him made here feel like a better person. Some people are like that,
aren't they? How is that a good thing? And, how is it not quite good enough?
Consider Paul's counsel about that relational tension in Galatians 6:1-5.
Chapter 22-23
Chantell asserts that she would have abandoned Eric long ago, but "I hated
quitting, I hated losing, and I hated goodbyes!" When have you held onto
something-a relationship, a job, etc.-for those kinds of reasons? Why are those
the wrong reasons? What assurances does Scripture offer for saying the right
kind of goodbye? (See Jeremiah 29:11.)
Chapter 24
Chantell lost her mom at a very young age-and was never permitted to grieve.
We finally learn a little more about Zarina in chapter 24. Why do you think
Chantell is remembering her mom so much now-in her waking and sleeping moments?
How might those memories and questions be connected to Chantell's own personal
journey?
Chapter 25
Chantell recognized that she was caught in a cycle-of shame, guilt, and pretense.
She took two key steps to break that cycle. What were they? How can opening
up to others break our own cycles? Remember what Scripture tells us: Ecclesiastes
4:9-12.
Chapter 26
"Without sex or groping or grinding, Keith Rashaad Talbit quenched my thirst," Chantell
sighed. How did he do it? What thirst was he quenching? How can we be friends
that quench that thirst in others? (Song of Songs 8:6-7)
Chapter 27-28
Dr. Brown told Chantell, "Feel your feelings." The homeless man shouted, "Everyone
must carry a kite!" How is flying a kite comparable to allowing yourself
to feel your own feelings?
Chapter 29
Keith was open and honest in ways that Chantell knew she wasn't. At this point
in the story, what hope do you have for their relationship if they both continue
as they are? What crucial ingredients are missing? Read 1 Corinthians 13
for a refresher on what God says about love.
Chapter 30
The loss of Zarina deeply affected both Chantell and her father, but they were
unprepared to help each other through the grief. Family members may be our
greatest support or our greatest challenge in such times. How does your family
deal with grief? What can you talk about? What isn't spoken of at all? Because
grief is so hard, Paul urges those of us who have been through it to minister
to others (see 2 Corinthians 1:3-7).
Chapters 32-33
By refusing to sleep with Eric and then by abandoning the cruise with him,
Chantell chose a significant detour in her life. She chose to get off a train
that was going nowhere-and start walking (even dragging her baggage behind)
into a new life. Check out 2 Corinthians 5:17, and talk about what detours
you might need in order to get yourself a new life in Christ.
Chapter 34
The storage shed proved to be a treasure trove in more ways than one. Not only
was it full of valuable property; it was steeped in resurrected memories
and rich in "realness." Why do you think Chantell expressed it
in that way-that she had discovered in those possessions "a new realness
about me"?
Chapter 35
Why do you suppose Chantell felt so angry and bitter about Charlotte? Think
about your birth mom. Did you know her? Is she still alive? How many different
mother figures have you had in your life? What unique contributions have
they made to who you are?
Chapters 36-37
Past losses had taught Chantell to shy away from real commitment. Getting too
close to Keith scared her-in a way that even sexual intimacy with Eric had
not. Why is emotional intimacy riskier for her than physical intimacy? Which
is scarier for you? Why?
Chapter 38
Chantell knew she was good at hiding what she was really feeling. That was
how she sought to protect herself from further hurt. But, Keith knew her
well enough to see beyond the diva image she cultivated. He knew to look
into her eyes. If someone looked closely enough into your eyes, what would
he or she discover?
Chapters 39-41
Breaking up officially with Eric was liberating for Chantell. What are some
of the other steps she took on her personal journey to finding a new life?
What are some of the steps you are taking-or that you need to take? (Psalm
119:133 is a worthy prayer for each day!)
Chapter 42
"As long as I feel loved," the poem read, "I'll stick around." Do
you agree or disagree? What is legitimate about that statement? What is problematic?
Reread 1 Corinthians 13, and then look at 1 John 4:7-21. What does the Bible
seem to say about real love?
Chapters 43-45
After her brief encounter with Mina, Chantell claimed she was facing her issues
one at a time. In light of her continuing strife with Mina, her inability
to confide her fears in Keith, and her inconsiderate tardiness at the big
awards dinner, what issues was she continuing to avoid? And why?
Chapters 46-47
Running into Eric (almost literally) at the lake brought Chantell face to face
with another one of her issues. How else could she have handled the confrontation?
Why was the choice she made unwise? Check out Matthew 5:8-12 and Romans 12:14,17-21
for some scriptural advice on how to deal with such challenges.
Chapter 48
Chantell was bubbling over with impatient eagerness to express her love for
Keith-and he was already gone. Why do you think he left without a word? If
he had still been there, would Chantell's confession really have made everything
right between them? Why or why not?
Chapter 49
Like the deer that darted across the road in front of her car, Chantell's love
was both beautiful and terrifying. Do you resonate with that metaphor? Why
or why not? What was significant about Tia's counsel: To listen and trust?
(See Proverbs 3:5-6.)
Chapter 50
Chantell created a tiara with the pebbles representing those things she wanted
to change about her behavior, past and present. She pressed the circle of
stones deep into the ground, so they would remain. It was her own little
monument, in remembrance of a covenant made between her and God. Read Joshua
4:1-9 and consider what pile of stones you might create as a covenant monument
in your own life.
Chapters 51-52
Chantell was hurt, angry, and sad. She had bent the law, shelled out her savings,
and flown across an entire continent to express her love for Keith. And,
he had shut the door in her face. "What am I supposed to do, God?" she
wondered aloud. Can you empathize with Chantell-with her frustration and
sense of helplessness? Why or why not? What could she have done differently,
if anything? What are her options now? Meditate a while on Psalm 130 and
131.
Chapters 53-54
Some Christians emphasize a "let-go-and-let-God" kind of faith; others
tout a "God-helps-those-who-help-themselves" theology. What does
Pastor Fields seem to advocate? How do you tend to approach situations in life?
How does your faith-works equation balance out?
Chapters 55-57
Chantell was trying to let the Spirit be her guide as she went about putting
her own house in order. First, she had a candid and healing conversation
with Mina. Then, she put herself on the line at the poetry reading, risking
everything to express her thoughts and feelings before strangers. Finally,
she made the long-procrastinated call to Eric. What steps do you need to "put
your house in order"? If you listen closely, what is the Spirit leading
you to do?
Chapters 58
Why do you think Keith wanted to propose to Chantell in the church, in front
of the entire congregation? What do you suppose that symbolized for him-and
for them as a couple? Read Hebrews 12:1-3. Who makes up the cloud of witnesses
in your life?
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