Walk Worthy Press: The Amen Sisters by Angela Benson

Reading Group Questions

The following list of questions is designed to enhance a group or individual's thinking about or discussing some of the issues we hope you will consider after reading this book. This is designed as a starting point only and is not meant to limit the discussion.

1. Guilt. Forgiveness. Responsibility. Consequences. Francine and Sylvester are wrestling with many of the same issues-albeit in very different situations. When have you had to wrestle with the fallout of sin? How did you handle these issues? What Scriptures convicted and encouraged you?

2. In chapter 1 Francine's therapist had told her, "You always have options," and now in chapter 2, Rev. Thomas offers to hear whatever options the BCN group comes up with. Options, choices, decisions ... we are faced with them every day. How do you weigh your options? What influences your everyday decisions? What role (if any) do prayer, faith, Scripture, and the counsel of others play in your choices?

3. What experience have you had with groups such as the proposed BCN (in chapter 2) or individuals like Bishop Payne? Are you quick to support such ventures or follow such people? Why or why not? How have "scam artists" exploit Christians-especially new believers, seniors, or folks with few resources of their own? What might make people of faith vulnerable to being exploited?

4. Mother Harris says, "I hope you've learned that some things don't make sense, no matter how hard you try to make sense of them." Do you agree or accept that? Why or why not? When have you confronted uncertainty, confusion, and apparent chaos in your life-and how did you handle it? What, if anything, allows you to accept when life just refused to make sense?

5. Both the single women and the married ones in the spa agreed that loneliness was a struggle. How might a single person handle loneliness differently than a married person? When "lonely meets you at the door," how do you greet it? What are the pitfalls in the struggle? What strategies do you have for dealing with loneliness-and what benefits might there be to accepting it?

6. Already we have seen many different faces of grief in this story-Stuart's for his beloved Marie; Sly and Dawn's for their marriage, their trust, and their dreams; Glenda for her spouse; Francine for Toni and past mistakes. How have you experienced grief in your life (whether you named it as such or not!)? How do you respond to its different emotions and stages-anger, guilt, denial, acceptance?

7. A theme in this chapter seems to be communication, especially in decision making-between husbands and wives (Sly and Dawn) and between parents and children (Dolores and Monika). Is it OK for Sly not to involve Dawn in discussions about the collective? If you were she, would you want to participate? Why or why not? Think about your relationship with your parent-or child-and how you communicated about important issues or decisions. Do you think the communication was appropriate or sufficient? Why or why not? How do you choose whom to consult or in whom to confide?

8. In this chapter, a recurring issue is truth and lies-between spouses, between parents and kids, even between "me, myself, and I." The Bible says, "The truth will set you free"-and yet none of us ever tells the whole truth all the time. Diplomacy and wisdom often seem to counsel discretion and even caution in speaking truth. When, if ever, is partial truth acceptable or appropriate? How do you choose what to say and what to hold back? How does the age of the listener, for example, affect that decision? Do you think Dolores' decisions to withhold some things from Monika were appropriate? When, why, or why not?

9. As adults, we say things like "Honesty is the best policy" and "The truth will set you free," but the fact is, sometimes we don't really want to know the truth. In chapter 8, Dolores told Monika, "A lie is easier" and she meant, for the teller. In other circumstances, however, it may be that the person lied to prefers the lie to the truth. When have you, like Walter and Dawn and Francine, found the truth so painful that you almost wish you could turn back time and return to the days of believing the lie? How willing are you to accept the truth-about you yourself and about your situation-and let God work out the pain into something liberating, healing, and redemptive? Why?

10. To what extent, if any, do you feel sympathy for Sly? Why? How should a cheating spouse (who is now intent on repentance and reconciliation) expect to be treated? With anger, hurt, coldness, violence, hostility, vengefulness, ambivalence-all of the above and more? It is natural (if not right) for the wronged spouse to strike out in a variety of ways-or to become caught in an emotional limbo or in pendulum mood swings. What should a man like Sly be willing to accept from his wife? Where, if at all, should he draw the line and refuse to subject himself to "ill treatment"? Can you think of any Scriptures that might offer counsel to Sly or someone like him?

11. Mother Harris speaks with almost brutal honesty to Francine. How does her truth contrast with some of the other truth and lies of this story? What makes the difference, do you think? (See Psalm 15:2; Zechariah 8:16; and Ephesians 4:15, 25.)

12. What lesson do you take from Scripture's frequent "case studies" about men "led astray" by beautiful women (e.g., Samson, David, even Hosea)? Is Rev. Ted's interpretation legitimate? Why or why not-or to what degree?

13. Sly despairs that he has a wife who doesn't want to sleep with him-but Stuart points out that she does want to work with him. How might working together be a foundation for rebuilding their marriage? What different forms of intimacy and expressions of trust have you experienced in a relationship? What other options might you explore in rebuilding your own foundations of trust and intimacy? Be creative!

14. If you had been at Faith Central that day to hear Francine's testimony and Rev. Thomas' altar call, would you have stood and gone forward? Why or why not? How has shame acted to reinforce sin's hold on your life? How might the courage to confess free you?

15. Francine is awed to realize that God took her sin and shame and miraculously transformed it into a testimony that convicted, encouraged, and healed. When have you see God do the same in your life? How might God do it again one day very soon? How can you cultivate a spirit of openness and humility that might allow God to do such transformations more often?

16. Stuart says, "I think a lot of churches look for good leaders rather than good shepherds." What is the difference between a leader and a shepherd? What do they share in common, if anything? What place is there for both in the church? What are the right reasons for entering ministry-or any position of leadership, for that matter?

17. The beauty of Francine's testimony, according to Stuart, is that she didn't set out to be an example; God made her one. What is the beauty of your testimony? If you don't know its beauty, ask someone else! If you don't know what your testimony is, ask God to show it to you.

18. How did you feel about Timothy's experience and relationship with Tish? How does it compare or contrast with Sly and Dawn's situation? For whom do you feel more sympathy-and why? How does hearing the stories of others who have come through similar circumstances influence and nuance your understanding of the issues and your ability to feel for individuals on both sides of those issues?

19. You've heard the expression "Hate the sin; love the sinner"? Yet Francine admits, "Sometimes it's hard to separate the person from the act." Be honest with yourself (and with one another, if you're in a group). Can you do it? Why or why not? If you believe you can, what does that paradoxical position look like? Does Christ's life offer any examples?

20. Do you think Dawn was right to tell Francine to "butt out"? Why or why not? What are the pros and cons of involving a close family member or friend in such a difficult relational challenge? What are the pros and cons of involving a third party of another kind-such as a support group, pastor, or other counselor?

21. Dawn tells Sly that she wants to forgive him, but isn't sure she can ever forget. He responds by reflecting that perhaps neither one of them should forget. Francine wrestles with a similar issue in trying to forgive herself for her past mistakes. What is the benefit of "forgive and forget"? What benefit might there be to forgiving but never forgetting? What kind of remembrance of such a past is healthy in a relationship? What remembrance is destructive and self defeating? How do you embrace one without the other?

22. When have you had to choose between a professional opportunity and a personal one? How did you weigh your options? Whom did you involve in the decision? What finally decided the matter for you-and why?

23. Dolores worries that Teddy will only agree to acknowledge Monika if forced to do so. "It's still the right thing, no matter why you do it," her friends point out. Is there value in being compelled to do the right thing? Why or why not? How does that principle relate to sentencing a criminal to community service or to a person who seeks to make amends only out of a sense of guilt or shame? In what way does such "compulsory righteousness" bear out the promise in Romans 8:28?

24. Stuart asks Francine, "How much would you risk for a friendship?" How would you answer that question? How have you done so in the past? What was Jesus willing to risk? (See John 15:13.) What kind of life have you been willing to lay down for your friends?

25. The visit to Sly's grandparents seemed to be a source of inspiration and encouragement to Dawn. Why? What is it about being with other people who have "been through" and survived to tell the tale with humor, dignity, and faith that encourages and inspires you? Seek out such mentors-in marriage, in business, in ministry, in life. Listen to their wisdom, emulate their example, and be encouraged to press on.

26. Again, Mother Harris challenges Francine about her need for things to "line up in a way that makes sense." What examples of that are evidenced in this story? "Some things can't be made right because they can't be undone," Mother Harris says. Francine can't accept that. Can you? Why or why not? When faced with such a situation, what is our responsibility? How do you think God expects us to respond?

27. What do you think about Dawn's "make nice" party? Was it foolish and futile? Was it appropriate and effective? Was it cruel and manipulative? Was it gracious and healing? Why? What scriptural principles might undergird such a meeting between transgressors and victims? (See, for example, Matthew 5:21-26.)

28. How comfortable are you with the idea of being under God's microscope? Are you encouraged or discouraged by the idea that such scrutiny-and the discipline and correction it involves-is a lifelong process? Why?

[Epilogue] How difficult is it for you to see women involved in illicit relationships (especially with clergy or a married man) as victims? Why? What impact have such relationships had on you? How have you seen the church handling such relationships? How could the body of Christ respond differently-for the redemption of all people involved?